he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
