Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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