I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Vodka?
Forever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
