Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
