Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
