I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
