I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
