Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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