May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
