Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
