so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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