My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just had sex bonerless
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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