you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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