Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
