sarcasm needs its own font
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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