Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
