There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
