I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I seem to have left my pride at pride
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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