i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
