i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
