Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
