He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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