Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
