remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
