what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
