I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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