My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
