Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
