I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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