Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
