Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
