I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
