So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
