My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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