So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
