i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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