Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
