Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
