...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
