conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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