I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
