I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
A bitchslap is in order.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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