Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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