didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
