worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
