Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
