i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
