He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
