I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
