sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
