He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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