Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
