my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
