I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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