According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
